In the cd player: nothing, it’s too early

I was planning on catching the 9:37 bus. Apparently my mom wants to come pick me up. This changes things substantially. I could have slept in. Oh well.

I had no intention of going out last night. But I did. So why?

Because Jenny’s friend, who’s been here twice before, was up and I have to say that I find her somewhat attractive. The way I’ve behaved around her in the past hasn’t been great either…I sat with her at a football game last semester and spent ages talking to the guy next to me about the game. Why? Cuz I’m shy and cuz the guy knew a lot about the Mac team. I don’t remember but I don’t think I had much contact with her the other time she came up.

So this time I talked to her. With the help of some beer. But nothing particularly personal came up. After they left the bar (and I stayed to meet two friends of mine who’d showed up) one of my friends harassed the hell out of me for staying at the bar and not coming home and trying to talk to her. But what am I gonna say? She’s around my roommate at all times. I don’t want to say anything in front of my roommate. Also, they were going to bed…I had nothing to go on.

I didn’t tell my friend this but he would have flipped…she’s gonna be in Collingwood this week. That’s right. Guess what I did about that? Squat. I could have said: if you want to grab a bite to eat up there, we should…I can email you my phone number when I figure out what it is (I don’t know what the number is up there). I could have said something. Who knows what she would have said. But I didn’t say anything. Because despite the logistical problems of where she lives (Halifax) and the fact that she’s a recruiter for Dal and moves around all the time, you just gotta take a chance anyway. Fuck, I suck.

Originally I didn’t think I’d have the opportunity to talk to her this morning. But now that it looks like I’ll be here for a little while, I might just be able to. More likely I’ll watch a movie in my room.

I hope I’m maddening. I find myself maddening. But I’m getting better. That’s what I told my friend last night. I’m so much better than I used to be. Don’t be too hard on me…or, then again, maybe that’s just what I need.

Be seeing you.