Here is my utterly irrational post about a basketball series I watched probably 15 (basketball) minutes of:

I fucking hate the Heat. I hate them. Fuck them.

I hate fucking LeBron even though he is clearly the best basketball player on the planet and has played some of the best basketball by anyone ever over the last few weeks and clearly deserve the MVP award (though it should be a playoff MVP award and not series MVP award).

• I hate how he didn’t want to play for his hometown team as the only thing I ever would have wanted to do as a kid (with athletic talent) is play for the Leafs, Raptors or Jays. I hate that he chose Miami. Who wants to play in fucking no-tradition Miami?
• I fucking hate how he rubbed it in their faces and thought he was doing something good.
• I hate how he is so detached from reality that he couldn’t figure out why people disliked what he did.
• But most of all I hate the arrogance that – two years before he won anything – allowed him to claim he could win 8 championships while only signed for six years; that let him believe and even state that the Heat would – before even playing a game – eclipse single season win-totals like no other team in history.

I don’t fucking care that he won, he is still an arrogant ass.

I fucking hate Dwee-Anne Wade and his misspelled name even though he is a great basketball player and extraordinarily good at getting the refs to call phantom fouls for him.

• I hate that he has won two championships now, with a lot of help from referees and better players.
• Even though six years have elapsed, I hate that he beat the Mavericks by basically setting free-throw attempt records while the games were being reffed by someone later suspended for gambling on basketball.
• I hate how if you breathe on Dwee-Anne you get called for a foul and I hate the rules that allow that.
• I hate that he’s a Heat lifer.
• I hate that he convinced LeBron and Bosh to play in Miami.

I don’t particularly hate Mario Chalmers. It’s not his fault.

I don’t hate Shane Battier even though he sort of pulled a Gary Payton and sucked balls most of the season. I am happy for Shane because I think this will help his legacy even though it shouldn’t. Years from now people will be discussing him and won’t remember how good he was at his peak because he never won a Defensive Player of the Year Award but they might give him more consideration now simply because he won a championship, not that that makes any sense.

I fucking hate Chris Bosh despite the fact that the Heat clearly needed him at least a little when everyone thought they didn’t.

• I fucking hate that he waffled and basically pulled a Mats (without playing in TO long enough to warrant the right to pull a Mats) and that I defended him while he was waffling, when really he knew all along what he was doing.
• I hate that he doesn’t understand why Toronto fans are pissed off at him.
• I hate that he was eventually smart enough or mature enough to realize that he needed to be the #3 guy on a team to win but wasn’t willing to do that in Toronto.

I hate Udonis Haslem because he is a Heat lifer and now he is going to think he is good because he won 2* championships.

I can’t hate Joel Anthony, I’m legally obligated to like him until he pulls a McGloire.

I hate Mike Miller for no good reason.

I hate Ronny Turiaf for being Ronny Turiaf.

I hate Norris Cole for inflating everyone’s expectations of himself. Okay, not really.

I hate James Jones for being James Jones.

I can’t hate Juwan Howard.

Who the fuck are Dexter Pittman and Terrel Harris anyway?

I hate the Zombie Sonics for being too young and uneducated to beat the Heat and for losing 4 straight! I really hope that now that they’ve been schooled they school someone else next year. I don’t actually hate them.

Fuck the evil empire.

Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.