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Final Girl (2015, Tyler Shields)

This is one of the movies with a title that appears to have been chosen to trick people into watching it. And, friends, I regret to inform you that I thought it was Final Girls and that is why we watched it. Alas…

This is one of those movies where it’s hard to know where to begin in terms of how many things are wrong with it. But I’m going to try to itemize some of them:

  • There are no characters to root for, really. Everyone is an archetype.
  • Though set in the ’50s or early ’60s, everyone acts as if it’s now. (And the clothing is modern day, Jenn would like me to point out.)
  • The film is lit super aggressively, as if to hide the lack of a budget. And the scenes outdoors at night as massively floodlit with no explanation. (I mean, I guess it’s good that they didn’t say it was “The Moon” or something.)
  • It should have been a short. There’s not enough plot and that’s super clear when they bring in the whole thing with the two boys having slept with the same girl. it’s just padding.
  • The plot that there is doesn’t make any sense. There’s no way a government would discover what is happening and use it as a training exercise.

The acting is fine, though they don’t have much to work with, and the production values are good enough that I was thinking of giving this a 3/10. I mean, if you ignore the budget, and the lighting the production values are adequate. They’re certainly better than many bad movies I’ve seen.

But you know what it was? Boring. Like, just dull. I’ve seen plenty of movies that were shitty but at least managed to make me pay attention. But this one, I’m pretty sure I missed one of the kills.

2/10

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