I have an awful completist streak in me but, as I get older, I find that I do not have time for crap, particularly in the form of TV shows which could consume days or weeks of my life.
So, of all the art forms I consume, TV is the one in which my completist streak has been most beaten down by stuff I cannot finish. This is actually a good thing, as it’s (sort of) convincing me to drop some novels too. (Not many, though.)
Anyway here are the shows I could not finish for your perusal.
Note: I have not included any competitive Reality TV.
The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. – Fox
What?
The son of a slain US Marshal becomes a bounty hunter.
How Far?
A few episodes? Half the episodes? I have no idea. It was 30 years ago.
Why?
Watched as a young teen and I never bothered to figure out if I could actually watch it again.
The Affair – Showtime
What?
A family goes on vacation to Long Island and the husband has an affair with a local. Hijinks ensue.
How Far?
I can’t remember; maybe 1 episode.
Why?
I didn’t write anything down and it was a long time ago, but I think I gave up because of an over-used trope involving the female protagonist.
American Crime Story – FX
What?
A series of self-contained mini series about notorious criminal cases in American history.
How Far?
Part of one episode of 1 season 1, the first episode of season 2.
Why?
I may eventually watch season 1, as we intended to but I never got around to it. But after the hyper-stylized, poorly paced and oddly edited first episode of season 2, it’s safe to say I will not be watching season 2 unless
I’ve run out of better TV.
American Horror Story – FX
What?
A series of self-contained seasons of supposed ghost stories, each with a different plot and (mostly) different cast.
How far?
1-2 episodes
Why?
I am a strong believer in the maxim that, 99% of the time, the human imagination is more terrifying than anything a make-up artist, costume designer and / or computer graphics artist can create.
But the people who created this show don’t necessarily agree with that. In the first episode we are introduced to the ghosts. In the first episode. Why will I be scared of ghosts that I already know? Will I be scared of ghosts as characters?
Ridiculous.
American Vandal – Netflix
What?
Someone draws some dicks on some cars in a school parking lot. Our intrepid amateur journalists investigate.
How Far?
1 season
Why?
Why would I want to ruin how much I enjoyed the first season with a second season?
Andor – Disney+
What?
A character from Rogue One gets his own origin story.
How far?
2 episodes.
Why?
People say this is the best Star Wars show. I don’t know whether we have the wrong expectations or whether people are just happy to have a Star Wars show that doesn’t suck. But it wasn’t grabbing Jenn and I was indifferent. There are so many shows on.
Archie – ITV
What?
Cary Grant looks back on his life.
How far?
1 episode.
Why?
This feels like TV and I don’t mean that as a compliment. They clearly mess with the truth and there are some pretty cliche and weak narrative devices. I was going to put up with watching more but Jenn thought it was absolutely awful so we stopped. It’s not good.
Arrested Development – Fox/Netflix
What?
A family of real estate developers in decline.
How Far?
4 seasons
Why?
I watched the initial run of this show years ago, when it initially aired. And not entirely in order, I don’t think. It’s been so long that I don’t know that I can do it justice in a review. It’s a classic comedy that managed to create its own style that I’m sure has been emulated in later shows, though I haven’t seen enough network comedies since to know.
The fourth season is a little more hit and miss than the original, but the format is pretty neat and it has its moments. It’s not so weak that it ruins the memory of the original seasons, and I think in retrospect we may look at it as something pretty novel.
2018: I have yet to watch the 5th season and no desire to as far as I can figure.
At Last the 1948 Show – ITV
What?
A sketch show that acted as a kind of launching pad for Monty Python’s Flying Circus and The Goodies.
How far?
5 episodes, as only 5 were available to watch at the time I watched them. There are now 11 available to watch of the 13 filmed.
Why?
At Last the 1948 Show hasn’t held up that well, so it is mainly of historical interest for anyone seeing the birth of a pretty ridiculous generation in English comedy (Python etc).
There are some skits that are simply amazing, however there are probably only 3-5 in the entire 5 episode run.
The rest of them are mostly either ideas that just don’t work that well (Python would do better) or of the kind of stuff that the Goodies later did (and if you like the Goodies, you’d probably like this).
It’s definitely worth viewing if you are a fan of any of the leads, but it’s pretty hit or miss.
Babylon Berlin – Sky 1
What?
A police detective from Koln is brought to Berlin to investigate a vice issue, and discovers a lot more going on.
How far?
The first two seasons which, in this show, means one arc.
Why?
There are things I really like about this show and there are things that I didn’t love.
The biggest positive I can think of is that they took “two seasons” of television to tell the story of a book. The pacing is so much more reasonable than a lot of contemporary shows, which try to cram twist after twist into a single episode. It’s refreshing when there is maybe only one or two major plot points per episode and the rest is character development. I hope this show influences others to go back towards using the form for telling better stories, not trying to cram in so much plot.
And there’s a great sense of place.
One of the things I didn’t like was the more hallucinatory aspects of some episodes but I was able to put up with it because of the way the show handled everything else.
But things go absolutely off the rails in the last two episodes of the second season. I have certain things I cannot abide and one of them is a absolutely pretty big spoiler that caused me to stop watching the show. and the final wrap up is extremely plot heavy and has at least one moment that is just preposterous.
I just couldn’t justify going forward with so many other things to watch.
Baby Reindeer – Netflix
What?
A woman expresses interest in a bartender. He fails to discourage her. Hijinks ensue.
How far?
Two episodes.
Why?
The first episode vaguely reminded me of first year university, when a plus-sized woman with a haircut If found unflattering who I was friends with asked me out. I hadn’t intended to lead her on, but I clearly had. Unlike the character in this show, she took no for an answer and that was that. (I did actually tell her no.) But I mention this only to say I have some vague idea of why someone in the protagonist’s position might feel compelled to lie, or not be forthright, or what have you. Again, I want to be very clear: there was no stalking or anything like that. We were very friendly. Then she asked me out and I said I wasn’t interested. (I was infatuated with someone else at the time, anyway.)
The second episode introduces the fact that the protagonist lies in general, too. I guess this makes him less perfect but it also creates complications for me, as he is pretty unlikeable. Moreover, the day I watched episode 2, the woman the female protagonist is supposedly based on sued Netflix and the creator and star. Now, it’s entirely possible that she’s crazy and this is just another escalation of the story he is trying to tell. (It could also be due to the harassment she’s received from fans.) But given he documents his own propensity for lying in the show…I’m not sure either side should be believed. I already felt uncomfortable with the second episode but this made me feel much more uncomfortable. I don’t need to know about this. If I liked the show more, I would have continued. But I didn’t, so I stopped.
Banshee – Cinemax
What?
SPOILER ALERT:
A newly freed thief tracks down his ex-girlfriend and gets the opportunity to impersonate the new sheriff. He becomes the sheriff of Banshee, PA and hijinks ensue.
How far?
5 episodes.
Why?
Like far too many other shows – Boardwalk Empire, Sons of Anarchy, Murder She Wrote and numerous others – this show places most of its events in a small town in the US. This town instantly becomes a war zone, but nobody outside of the town seems to notice that the murder rate – and violent crime rate rate – is practically Colombian.
But where the series really falls off the rails is in an early episode where our thief-turned-sheriff fights a world champion boxer. Not only does the sheriff beat the boxer – which is already highly dubious – but nobody gets sued out of this. Remember, a white law enforcement officer fights a black public figure in a public place and the boxer is later supposedly successfully jailed. (Though we never find out if the case succeeds.)
But the other thing is that there is no media, mainstream, social or otherwise: nobody bothers to make a big deal of this. The biggest threat to our sheriff’s credibility is that somebody has a video. Ooh.
This show is made in willful ignorance of our society. Therefore, it should be set in a different era…
Every episode breaks our suspension of disbelief, often really early in the episode. And despite what esteemed TV critics say about this show, I just cannot take it any more.
Battlestar Galactica – ABC
What?
A TV attempt to capitalize on Star Wars.
How Far?
1 episode. Seriously.
Why?
I watched the pilot of the original Battlestar Galatica the other night. And then I removed the series from our Netflix queue immediately. Even the completist in me doesn’t care that I haven’t watched the original before I properly watch the reboot of the show. This stuff has not aged well. It just goes to show you how much American TV standards for fictional programs have changed in the interim. Just awful. Here are some of the major problems:
- Because the show was well before the golden age of television, there are some really terrible but traditional American TV faults such as:
- no back story on any of the characters,
- no real character development,
- no moral ambiguity to speak of, etc.
- one scene is shot exactly like a soap opera, I kid you not.
- The effects are also pretty atrocious. The use of models is fine (and honestly no worse than A New Hope) but the moment models of ships are combined with drawings of planets (as opposed to models of planets), it becomes very obvious you are watching something made in the ’70s with a TV budget.
- The effects would be excusable (as they are with the original series of Star Trek) if there was something else to gravitate to. But there isn’t. The bad guys are bad and the good guys are good. Moreover, until the bad guys did that low-down, dastardly thing, the good guys apparently experienced little conflict outside of what you might experience growing up in a 1950s sitcom.
Bedlam – Sky
What?
Someone thinks it’s a good idea to build condos in a former insane asylum. Of course it’s not a good idea! Hijinks ensue.
How far?
1 season
Why?
Let me be clear: I didn’t want to make it one season. However, since I got the show from the library and I figured since I had it, I might as well…
But from the very first episode I knew this was not for me: silly interpersonal drama and ghosts – in the very first episode! (Of course, it’s a new ghost every episode, so that’s necessary…) This is just one of those shows where we’re expected to get attached to all the characters – though one of them is rather awful – and then enjoy their adventures every week, with guest-stars and guest-ghosts (and the mysteries therein).
As I said, had this been on a streaming service, or had I other movies from the library, I wouldn’t have watched another episode after the first one. But it was something stupid to have on while I uploaded podcasts and did maintenance on this here website.
PS The things this show thinks are creepy are rarely, if ever, creepy, as they’ve already been used a bunch of times in better movies.
Being Human – BBC 3
What?
A supernatural dramedy about 3 roommates: a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost. Hijinks ensue.
How Far?
5 episodes or so.
Why?
This show doesn’t know what it is. (I sure hope they figured it out before Season 5…Jesus.) It tries to be philosophical (about fictitious creatures) and tries to be seriously dramatic, and tries to be funny at the same time. And it really doesn’t find a balance.
I’m surprised it’s so popular, to be honest.
Big Love – HBO
What?
A polygamist is living among us normals but he still has 3 wives! (Not to mention 3 houses!) Hijinks ensue.
How far?
Two seasons.
Why?
I just finished the second season of Big Love, and I am giving up. I don’t need to watch the other three seasons.
I’m not sure the people who made the show really knew what they wanted it to be. At the times the show seems to be an attempt at making a less profound, polygamist version of Six Feet Under, but at other times the show feels like a farcical dark comedy or dramedy. And the tone seems to swing wildly from episode to episode, or even within individual episodes.
But the other issue is the excess of characters and plot: there is so much going on in the show and I’m not sure to what purpose. Bill is unlikeable, but it’s almost as if they try extra hard to make him unlikeable by involving him in all sorts of polygamist mafia type stuff that I’m sure doesn’t actually happen.
It just got repetitive and not very interesting. I finished this season because of my insane completeness impulse and not out of any interest to find out what happened, I simply didn’t care any more. I didn’t care enough about any of the characters in part because there are too many characters for the scope of the show.
Anyway, I’m done with it.
Black Adder – BBC
What?
A scion of a British dynasty navigates famous events in British history.
How far?
A couple of episodes, if I remember correctly.
Why?
If memory serves, I just wasn’t laughing. I think that, by the time I made it to this show, I had moved on from this type of comedy.
Bloodline – Netflix
What?
The prodigal son of a rich Keys family returns and opens up the old wounds that have been buried but haven’t healed. Hijinks ensue.
How far?
1 season.
Why?
This is one of the innumerable shows on “TV” with a stellar cast but not enough substance. The show’s central mystery – which is hinted at in the opening episode and nearly every episode after – is not strong enough to support 13 hours and so additional mysteries are added (which is common enough).
Unfortunately, much of the drama of the show is around the central mystery and the family’s relations, and not around the crime mystery that is the main supporting plot. There’s too much focus on how the family isn’t getting along with each other and not enough of a focus on things we actually care about.
Bodyguard – BBC One
What?
A “Personal Protection Officer” thwarts a bombing of a train and gets promoted. Hi-jinks ensue.
How Far?
2 episodes.
Why?
Any number of reasons.
I found some aspects of the first episode problematic but liked enough of it. Things go quickly off the rails in the second episode, including a terrorist threat involving a main character’s family, completely ridiculous romance on the job, a terrorist attack perpetrated by a minor character, and a conspiracy plot which feels illegal at best.
Mystifying that this show is so well regarded.
The Boondocks – Adult Swim
What?
An animated coming-of-age story based on a comic strip.
How Far?
1 episode?
Why?
I have basically no memory of it, beyond knowing it wasn’t for me.
Bosch – Amazon
What?
A veteran police detective – who happens to be a veteran too, if you know what I mean – shoots an armed suspect but is under investigation, but he just wants to keep investigating. Hijinks ensue.
How Far?
1 episode.
Why?
The show appears to be very well acted. But can we stop with celebrating cops who shoot people? Please?
Also, of course he has childhood trauma.
Broadchurch – ITV
What?
A troubled detective takes a job in the country to escape from his past. But instead he has to solve the murder of a child, not dissimilar from a case he screwed up years earlier.
How far?
1 season
Why?
This is, on the whole, a pretty good murder mystery. It features a compelling storyline that unfolds slowly, perhaps at the speed of a real police investigation, and universally great performances. Also, unlike American shows – and I’d be willing to guess, unlike the American remake – it features people who look like real people, which is always so refreshing.
For the most part, it transcends the cliches of the British murder mystery. Whereas usually, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ’em all, this time there is enough going on, enough backstory, enough mystery that you don’t really notice that, for the most part, the same formula is being played out: brilliant-but-troubled detective, numerous suspects, only Our Hero will be able to solve it, etc.
Unfortunately the final reveal reeks a little too much of the genre, but I won’t go into that because it would contain spoilers.
I must say that when I learned of a second season I was severely disappointed. We can’t leave well enough alone.
Broen / Bron (The Bridge) – DR1/SVT1
What?
A body is found exactly in the middle of the bridge between Sweden and Denmark. The plot thickens pretty much instantly.
How far?
1 season
Why?
It’s starts off reasonably great but drops off a cliff at the end of the first season. See my review of Broen/Bron.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Fox
What?
In a precinct where not much crime happens, cops are bored. Hijinks ensue.
How Far?
2+ seasons, if I remember correctly
Why?
I mostly enjoyed this show but, over time, I just go bored of it. It felt like I was watching the same thing over and over.
Cadfael – BBC
What?
A 12th century monk knows more about corpses than anyone else so he must solve the murders nobody wants to solve.
How Far?
1 episode.
Why?
Much like the later Foyle’s War, Cadfael takes the British mystery formula and deposits it into another time. We’re supposed to think it’s different but the formula is the same: smart detective whom the higher authorities don’t believe solves murders some people don’t want solved with the help of lovable sidekicks. The wardrobe is different but nothing else is.
Californication – Showtime
What?
Troubled novelist attempts to write more and not further fuck up his life.
How far?
1 season
Why?
I found the ending to the first season ridiculous. My ex told me the rest of the show was like that. I gave up.
The Crown – Netflix
What?
The King of England is clearly ill and soon dies, leaving his unprepared daughter as Queen. Hijinks ensue.
How far?
6 episodes.
Why?
I got bored. Read my review of the first six episodes of The Crown.
Crusoe – NBC
What?
A very loose “adaptation” of Robinson Crusoe.
How far?
Part of the pilot
Why?
2008: So there’s some show on TV right now (that Sean Bean and Sam Neil have somehow been roped into) that claims to be an adaptation of Robinson Crusoe. Well, in the first half hour, it is already (sort of) depicting events from the last quarter of the book. How does that work? And how has Crusoe not aged? Why are they even bothering to claim an adaptation? It has nothing to do with the novel.
Curb Your Enthusiasm – HBO
What?
George from Seinfeld taking to his logical extreme.
How far?
1 season
Why?
Read my review of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Damages – FX
What?
A woman goes to work for a notorious lawyer and finds out she didn’t learn anything in about the real world in school.
How far?
1, maybe 2 seasons
Why?
A show with multiple plot twists per episode is not my kind of show. I don’t remember when I stopped, but I just couldn’t handle it any more. I would claim that Damages has more red herrings per episode than any other show ever made but, unfortunately, it seems to have spawned numerous shows competing for that honour.
Daredevil – Netflix
What?
A blind man with heightened senses tries to stop criminals in the Hell’s Kitchen neighbourhood of New York City.
How Far?
2 seasons
Why?
SPOILERS
Though I understand why some people like this more than the Avengers films, I still found much that was problematic in this show, nothing more than how Kingpin controls so much of New York City as to be absolutely laughable. Literally everyone is in on it, save a few key people. This is just utterly over-the-top and I don’t know why it’s necessary.
The second season lacked this problem but had others; including some subplots I really didn’t care about.
Dark – Netflix
What?
Children are disappearing in a small town that happens to be located near a nuclear power plant.
How far?
3 episodes.
Why?
To tell you what I didn’t like about this show might involve spoilers so I’ll just say that I became pretty convinced there was no way I was going to be satisfied with anything, given how the show taps into irrational fears of nuclear power and how those fears help drive climate change.
Dead Like Me – Showtime
What?
Reapers collect souls and contemplate the meaning of life.
How far?
Most of the show
Why?
A unique show back when TV was just starting to get interesting, I watched it sporadically, often out of order, before I had access to better shows. I never felt interested enough to make sure I watched the whole thing. I suspect it has dated rather awfully in the interim and what seemed thoughtful for TV back then would now seem shallow.
Dexter – Showtime
What?
He’s a serial killer, but he works for the police! What a conceit!
How far?
2 seasons
Why?
Dexter was always a pretty goofy show, but at least it was fun to begin with if you could put aside the premise. At the end of the second season, Dexter outwits the only decent police officer in the department in an absurd finale:
Normally I would reserve my thoughts about a TV show until I have seen more of it, but I finished the second season of Dexter last night and I gotta say that I’m having a hard time convincing myself I should watch any more. I am already quite annoyed about how he constantly gets away with it – I knew I would from the beginning – but now the show is just getting absurd. The finale felt like it belonged on a different program: a big climax that stretched my already stretched credulity to new heights.
I complained and was told it goes on like this. People tell me some seasons are good, and some are pretty terrible. Why would I bother? (Though I bothered with Treme.)
So I asked about the ending and was told how terrible it was. Glad I didn’t waste my time.
Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23 – ABC
What?
A country girl moves to the city, loses her job and her apartment and moves in with a woman she doesn’t get along with. Hijinks ensue.
How Far?
I honestly have no idea if I finished it or not. I guess I just forgot to review it if I did. I’d check my Netflix profile but Disney took it away to their own streaming service so I have no idea.
Why?
I quite enjoyed it. If I didn’t finish it, it was only because Netflix lost it before I could (as I was watching it sporadically, if memory serves).
Downton Abbey – ITV
What?
A period piece about the changing role of the British aristocracy at the beginning of the 20th century.
How far?
1-2 episodes
Why?
I felt like I was watching a soap opera. Everyone tells me I’m wrong. Maybe I’ll eventually give it another chance.
Eastbound and Down – HBO
What?
A former major league baseball player tries to teach physical education.
How Far?
1 season, I believe
Why?
So this was more than a little over-hyped for me, I must say. And I guess that’s why I’m a little underwhelmed.
Don’t get me wrong: it’s funny. Sometimes it’s hilarious.
But it’s also often obvious, telegraphed, and too reliant on the “hahaha he’s swearing when he shouldn’t!” trope.
And certainly this style has been done before, and subtler.
Enlightened – HBO
What?
Woman has major breakdown at work, goes to a “wellness center,” comes back seemingly better but not, really.
How far?
1 season
Why?
This is a moderately amusing satire of modern concepts of Wellness and recovery and the like, along with a satire of corporate America. The best satires are ones where you cannot tell all the time whether or not it’s a satire, and I strongly believe that.
But I’m not sure that’s the problem here. I think the problem here is whether or not White has the balls to make his characters the butt of the satire. I think sometimes he does, and sometimes he doesn’t. See, there’s an earnestness here that I think undermines the satire at times and I cannot always tell whether or not the show is sincere in its satire or sincere in its message that attitude can make a world of difference.
And it’s because of what I feel is this mixed message, and because I didn’t laugh as much as I hoped, that I will not be watching future seasons unless somebody I know is absolutely raving about them.
Entourage – HBO
What?
Mark Wahlberg’s life is the inspiration for this dramedy about trying to make it in Hollywood, surrounded by your friends, so I hear.
How far?
A few random episodes.
Why?
Much like how I felt about Friends at the time – though this is not meant to compare the two shows, as Friends seems infinitely better to me – I kept hearing about how great this show was, and then I’d see an old episode and it make pretty much no impression on me. I really never knew why anyone liked it. And yet it was on forever.
The Fall – BBC Two
What?
Northern Ireland’s police are unable to solve a crime so a top detective from London is brought in and she figures out it’s a serial killer.
How Far?
Two seasons.
Why?
I just figured the show was over. Read my review of the first two seasons of The Fall.
Foyle’s War – ITV/STV/UTV
What?
A detective in WWII Britain still has to solve crimes even though there’s a war on.
How far?
A few sporadic episodes. Maybe 4 or so, over a few seasons.
Why?
Setting a standard British mystery during World War II doesn’t make it less of a typical British mystery drama, where you can practically set your watch to the plot.
Funny Or Die Presents – HBO
What?
Inspired by the hit website, this is a sketch show produced by said website. Hilarity ensues.
How Far?
1 season.
Why?
I was under the mistaken impression that this was a collection of the best of Funny or Die. However, upon watching the show, it feels like much of this content was either made exclusively for the show, or was made for both the show and site, regardless of how well it did on the site. I say that because I feel like there is no way most of these reached “Chosen One” status online; too many of them are simply too hit-and-miss, or in some extreme cases, not at all funny. In particular, there is too much Mike O’Connell and too much Rob Riggle. Both of these guys are one-joke artists and if you don’t find them funny, then you’re stuck.
At least there was “1000 Cats” and “The Adventures of David and Jennie.” Oh and “Drunken History.”
I will not be watching further seasons.
The Goodies – BBC / ITV
What?
A British comedy series contemporaneous to Monty Python but which continued much longer than Python.
How Far?
I think the first “series” (i.e. season) but I watched it in 2012 so I don’t quite remember. It could have been some kind of highlights collection I watched.
Why?
This British comedy show is mildly amusing now. I can imagine that it was significantly funnier at the time, but I still can’t shake how much better – i.e. funnier, cleverer – comedy Monty Python was making at pretty much the exact same time. There’s certainly some satire here, but it’s fairly tame, and the physical (and tape-manipulated) nature of much of the comedy undermines much of whatever satirical edge there might be.
The Good Wife – CBS
What?
The wife of the disgraced former State’s Attorney of Cook County takes a job at a prominent law firm.
How far?
Two episodes.
Why?
I like the intentions of this show – a single mother whose husband made her a public mockery goes to work at a law firm where she’s paired with a female investigator.
But the show is very “trial of the week” and so much of what they do in the courtroom and outside of it doesn’t pass the smell test.
Moreover, in the second episode, it starts to seem as though her husband’s backstory isn’t what it appears to be. Which, yawn.
The Grinder – Fox
What?
An actor who plays a lawyer on TV joins his family law firm despite not being a lawyer. Hi-jinks ensue.
How far?
Two episodes.
Why?
This show can be very funny but it’s the same joke over and over and over again: Rob Lowe saying a line of dialogue so utterly ridiculous and then some kind of reaction that isn’t normal. It seems too formulaic too. I’m sure it’s funny. I think it’s just not for me.
Halt and Catch Fire – AMC
What?
Tech pioneers innovate at the dawn of the personal computer age.
How long?
A season and a half or so.
Why?
I thought about giving up multiple times in the first season, as I found the crisis per episode to often be totally implausible. But I heard the second season was better. So I made it through the first and found myself struggling with the same problems with the second season despite assurances that the show will be better. It just feels too “crisis of the week” too me. Also, Gordon should stop fucking up.
Happy Valley – BBC One
What?
An aging police sergeant with a dead daughter has to confront the fact that the man who murdered her is out of jail. At the same time, a bitter accountant sets up a kidnapping plot to get back at his employer. Amazingly, the two plots are connected within the first episode.
How far?
30 or maybe 40 minutes
Why?
I certainly believe that I should give any show at least an episode, but I couldn’t even make it through one.
The first episode is shockingly boring: more about your local British people than the mystery at the bottom of it. And then, when the paint-by-numbers twist about the kidnapping happens – in the very first episode: his boss isn’t a dick after all!!! – I gave up on the sub-sub-late-Hitchcock kidnapping plot and the not particularly interesting human drama and moved on.
Hell on Wheels – AMC
What?
A western about the building of the railroad right after the Civil War, seemingly rife for allegory.
How far?
2-3 episodes
Why?
The greatness of the Western as a genre is that it is prime allegorical territory.
But unfortunately for these folks, Deadwood set a new standard in TV westerns – and, arguably, movie westerns as well – and these people, who are content in telling the story as if there is no allegorical potential at all, can’t even begin to compete with Deadwood.
I mean, this is better than Briscoe County Jr, but that was a goofy comedy. This is a serious show and I have no idea why I’m supposed to care about it.
Hinterland (Y Gwyll) – BBC Wales/S4
What?
The first show to be partly in Welsh – so they tell me – this is about a troubled detective who moves to the country to escape his past. Sound familiar?
How far?
1 episode
Why?
I was hoping this was going to be the Welsh Broadchurch.
But, at least in the first episode, there’s no Welsh and, more importantly, this is just a typical British mystery drama – you know, the episodic kind with resolution in every episode that has been made for years and years and years, and is pretty much ubiquitous.
The great thing about TV is that it can support serials. And, honestly, once you’ve seen one formulaic British mystery series, you’ve seen them all.
Homicide: Life on the Street – NBC
What?
Superior NYPD Blue before that show even premiered, and actually based on real cases, to some extent.
How far?
The first four or five seasons and much of the final few. Don’t think I ever watched the movie.
Why?
This was the first ever cop show I really loved and it was a transformative experience for me in terms of how good TV could be. Eventually I sat down to watch all of it, but I was stealing it online and I think eventually I couldn’t find the last few seasons, or something. That was 20 years ago so I don’t really remember. However, I have no interest in re-watching it or figuring out which episodes I never saw as I don’t have time for police procedurals any more.
House of Cards – Netflix
What?
American remake of the British show.
How far?
3 seasons.
Why?
The British show lasts three seasons. The American show, alas, does not.
House of Lies – Showtime
What?
A team of management consultants bullshits everyone. Hilarity ensues. (Based on a memoir.)
How far?
Beginning of the second season.
Why?
Nobody is likable in this show which isn’t a problem when a show’s funny.
Unfortunately, this show uses the same jokes over and over again and they cease to be funny after a while. (I think I laughed out-loud 4-5 times during the first season, tops.)
Now, in the second season, I’m supposed to stay interested – with the same assholes and the same jokes – because two of these assholes may or may not hook up. Why the fuck do I care?
In Treatment – HBO
What?
We essentially live with a psycho-therapist as he sees his various patients.
How Far?
1 season
Why?
In Treatment is a really neat concept: real time, huge emphasis on character development, and a great way to show off Acting.
But 43 episodes is a lot to sit through, and if one is going to sit through it, there should be some kind of payoff. There are some pay-offs, but they are not consistently worthwhile and they are somewhat scattered across the later episodes. The show requires huge commitment, particularly if you are watching on DVD via zip.
And I’m not sure it’s entirely worthwhile. I think I don’t want to watch seasons two and three.
Invader ZIM – Nickelodeon
What?
An unsuccessful alien invader is banished by his leaders to a world where they hope he will die but he hopes to conquer. He pretends to be a kid but one kid is wise to him. Hijinks ensue.
How far?
7 episodes
Why?
I was moderately amused by the first episodes which establish the premise. The longer the show went, the longer I felt like I was just watching another sitcom. Read my review of Invader ZIM.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – FX
What?
Friends run a bar in Philadelphia.
How Far?
7 or 8 seasons at most.
Why?
I loved this show. But at some point I just stopped watching. Too many other things, I guess.
Jessica Jones – Netflix
What?
A disgraced superhero tries to work as a private investigator in post-Avengers New York City.
How Far?
1 season, I think.
Why?
Not being capable of remembering whether I watched any of season 2 should tell you what I thought of this show. But I liked it initially, it just went to far into the usual things I don’t like about super hero stories as it reached the climax. And then we just forgot to watch more episodes. Now it is cancelled and I can’t imagine us finishing it.
Joe Pera Talks With You – Adult Swim
What?
Joe Pera tells the audience about something extremely mundane, and interacts with his fellow townspeople.
How far?
Two episodes.
Why?
Honestly, I think it’s just not for me. I laughed a few times but mostly I just was thinking “well this is a weird bit.” I get why some people like it. I think it’s safe to say there aren’t too many other shows out there like this. But it’s the kind of thing that I would appreciate much more as a recurring sketch as part of a bigger show with other, very different sketches.
Justified – FX
What?
A US Marshall belongs in a previous century and just cannot seem to understand the modern rules regarding justice.
How far?
2-3 episodes
Why?
The ex wasn’t feeling this much and nor was I.
I have heard good things and I will likely give it another chance.
The Killing – AMC
What?
American adaptation of a Danish show about a female police detective haunted by the dead girl she investigates, and her odd partner.
How far?
1 season
Why?
Though there’s a lot to like – the acting particularly – there are too many red herrings and the second half of the first season contains two clear fuck-yous to the audience. Read my review of The Killing.
Killing Eve – BBC America
What?
An MI-5 agent is fired for investigating a female assassin but hired by Mi-6 to investigate that assassin. Hijinks ensue.
How far?
3 episodes into the second season.
Why?
I had mixed feelings about the first season but there was enough good stuff to overwhelm the bad stuff, I guess. But by the second episode of the second season, things are happening which I have a problem with and by the third the main character was fully becoming a “self destructive but dogged cop” cliché.
King of the Hill – Fox
What?
A very responsible propane salesman and his family’s day-to-day life in a fictional Texas town. Hijinks ensue.
How Far?
I have no idea. The show has over 200 episodes and I have seen…50? 75? I have no idea.
Why?
I just never watched it religiously. I enjoyed it when it was on but never felt it was appointment TV and never made it my business to make sure I watched every episode.
The League – FX
What?
A group of friends have a competitive fantasy football league.
How far?
4 or 5 seasons, I don’t remember.
Why?
I honestly don’t remember. Maybe I was watching it on Zip.ca and then Zip.ca died? I enjoyed it. I feel like I was watching seasons at a time. And then…I don’t know.
The League of Gentlemen – BBC Two
What?
A strange town in the north of the UK is populated by eccentrics and worse.
How far?
One episode
Why?
I love Inside No. 9, but it’s clear from this show that the creators have grown creatively since this show debut. (It’s crazy how successful the third member has gone on to be. He co-created Sherlock.) This is a sketch show with a laugh track that looks shitty because of when it was filmed. That in itself is a little difficult for me but I honestly didn’t laugh enough. Also, some of the humour has dated poorly.
I suspect had I found this in the aughts I would have watched it all and enjoyed it. But having seen their better work first, I just feel no compulsion to watch this earlier, rougher stuff.
The Leftovers – HBO
What?
3 years ago 2 percent of the world’s population disappeared. They’re still dealing with it.
How far?
1 season
Why?
The characters. And the plot, to some extent. But mostly the characters. Read my review of season 1 of The Leftovers.
Luther – BBC One
What?
A troubled senior detective constantly skirts the thin blue line as he struggles with cases and his demons.
How far?
1 episode
Why?
The Wire spoiled me for all these types of shows.
A cop this volatile wouldn’t last very long anywhere. I just can’t handle these shows where the cop needs to interact daily in the life of the suspect and vice versa.
Why does anyone fall for this stuff?
Making a Murderer – Netflix
What?
The mother of all wrongful conviction documentaries – a sensation when it came out and certainly the standard by which any other wrongful conviction miniseries will be measured by for a long time.
How Far?
1 season
Why?
Do I need to watch season 2? Why does it exist? I have immersed myself in wrongful conviction podcasts since this came out and, for a time, I was basically drowning in them.
I have a hard time imagining the second season will captivate me as much as the first. And I don’t know why I need another 500 minutes on this particular case. The first season would be on my must watch all time TV list but I just don’t know why a second season exists. (Oh right: money.)
And just to make it clear: it doesn’t matter whether or not Avery committed the murder – law enforcement agencies cannot be allowed to do what they did in this case. (I.e. charge and railroad a man who was suing them for wrongful imprisonment.)
Manhattan – WGN
What?
A dramatization of the lives of the scientists behind the Manhattan Project.
How far?
5 episodes
Why?
Here is a show with a fantastic premise which cannot help being a soap opera instead.
It’s shocking, in this day and age, the gap between network and cable show quality, still. Network should have caught up by now. But this show is a perfect example of how they haven’t.
A show with better writers would have either stuck to real characters or attempted to create believable characters – and an overarching plot that doesn’t have a story of the week – instead of whatever the hell they’re doing here:
- everyone hates everyone else,
- everybody thinks everyone is out to get everyone else,
- and new, important facts emerge each episode just in time to create conflict, which will of course be resolved before the end of the “hour.”
Masters of Horror – Showtime
What?
An anthology horror TV series, with individual episodes directed by prominent (male) horror directors.
How far?
4 episodes
Why?
Here are reviews of three of the episodes as I seem to have lost my review of “Home Coming”:
“Incident on and off a Mountain Road,” directed by Don Coscarelli
I suspect that the original 16-page story by Joe R. Lansdale has something to do with the concept of evil begetting evil, but I have no idea, having not read it. But there is very little of that idea of “evil begetting evil” in this episode.
Like so many of these Masters of Horror episodes – all of them perhaps, though I don’t know, having not watched all of them, by any means – the reveal is way too early – though there is a reason in this particular episode. The reveal is very important in mysteries but so many horror films appear to not care about the mystery half of their genre, even though it’s often the mystery that causes the fear.
Also, the twist feels pretty blah and also feels somewhat forced and not genuine. Oh well.
5/10
“Home-coming,” directed by Joe Dante
Lost my review.
“Cigarette Burns,” directed by John Carpenter
This had me for the first 20 minutes. With the exception of the creature it was about as compelling of any 20 minutes of this series I’ve seen.
Unfortunately a pretty amazing concept goes off the rails a little bit with a little too much mystical silliness.
There is some pretty amazing actual horror near the end. Solid for what it is.
6/10
“Pro-Life,” directed by John Carpenter
It’s hard to get excited about a show that gives interesting opportunities to horror filmmakers to try something a little shorter when the result is something that looks like it would fit right in on Space. Aside from Ron Pearlman everything about this smacks of “Made for TV.”
Additionally it’s not scary and rarely funny.
But I guess it pays the bills…
4/10
Mr. and Mrs. Smith – Prime
What?
Though ostensibly based on the 2005 film, it’s basically the opposite of that. Instead of a couple who are both spies and do not know the other is a spy, this couple knows they’re spies but they’ve never met each other before.
How Far?
2 episodes.
Why?
This is 100% not my thing. It feels to me like a young adult fantasy of spy games. Teenage Riley had this very same fantasy only replace secret agents with astronauts/alien abductees. I don’t want to watch shows that resemble my extremely lame teenage fantasies.
Mr. Robot – USA
What?
A network engineer by day, a hacker by night, who also happens to have dissociative personality disorder, struggles with his priorities.
How Far?
One season
Why?
The answer to that question involves spoilers so I will try to dance around it.
There is a certain movie trope that is really hard to do well. Even when it is done well (as it is in a certain famous movie from the late ’90s), it’s rarely done well if you really think about it. Mr. Robot doesn’t execute well in my opinion, and I don’t find the dissociative personality disorder a compelling excuse.
If I went back and watched the first season and tried to see if they were fair would it make it better? If they were fair, it would. But I’m not about to do that unless you convince me to.
Narcos – Netflix
What?
A show about Pablo Escobar and the cops who tried to bring him to justice.
How Far?
4 episodes, I think
Why?
Not only is the show too American-centric for a show about Colombia, but there is a whole host of nudity for no reason that we could figure out.
We felt like there was an air of seriousness and ambition not supported by what was actually on screen. We have been told to give it another chance, but I don’t know if we will.
In the interim, we actually went to Colombia, which likely means we will never watch this. They, um, don’t love it in Colombia.
Nathan for You – Comedy Central
What?
An incompetent business consultant tries to help small businesses with terrible “marketing” ideas.
How far?
2/3rs ish through the first season
Why?
This show is pretty brilliant, it is both extremely cringey and also a very revealing satire of late capitalism. But it I found it a little too cringey for my mood at the time.
The Night Manager – BBC One/AMC
What?
An adaptation of John Le Carre’s first post Cold War novel.
How far?
2 episodes.
Why?
The first episode was a mess, too much plot (enough for a movie, really) and told oddly. We both felt like the opening could have been told in flashback throughout the series.
The second episode was a lot better. And yet, weeks went by and we still hadn’t felt the itch to watch another.
The Oblongs – The WB
What?
An animated sit-com about a family set in a polluted valley next to a richer, healthier town.
How far?
1 season, I think. (Not 100% sure I watched the whole thing, actually.)
Why?
I don’t know what I would have thought about this when I was 20, but now it feels like a missed opportunity. There is a lot to work with here, but instead we get a typical situation comedy, hiding behind animation and a really wacky premise. (I felt like I was watching the logical conclusion of one of the “Premise Beach” ideas from Kids in the Hall.)
It’s only mildly amusing – I think I laughed, on average, once to twice an episode – and I just feel like there is so much potential here. It’s really too bad.
The Office – NBC
What?
The American version of the British show.
How far?
4 or 5 seasons, I believe
Why?
The British show knew when to end. That in itself makes it superior. Eventually I just got kind of frustrated that the thing kept going.
Orange is the New Black – Netflix
What?
A woman is sent to minimum security prison for transporting the proceeds of drug sales. Hijings ensue.
How Far?
3 seasons, if I remember correctly.
Why?
I genuinely enjoyed the first season of this show and parts of the second and third seasons. But somewhere in the third season (I think) the whole “Here we go again!” aspect of this show became too much. I also feel like some of the non-prison stuff might have been grating on me.
Out of Order – Showtime
What?
Something about a writer.
How far?
I haven’t the faintest idea.
Why?
I have no memory of this show. I found out I “watched it” going through my IMDB ratings, trying to add everything to Lettrboxd.
Oz – HBO
What?
The first ever hour-long HBO fictional TV show on HBO, I think. A prison called Oz.
How far?
Probably most of the show. I have no idea.
Why?
I tuned in when I could – at my dad’s house, when my mom wasn’t around or was asleep – but I definitely didn’t watch every episode. But still, I tried to watch it when I could. Thanks Showcase!
I have no idea what I would think of it now. I’ve never really thought about actually trying to watch it all the way through.
The Pale Horse – BBC
What?
An apparently a very loose adaptation of an Agatha Christie novel I know nothing about.
How Far?
2 out of 3 episodes.
Why?
I didn’t know Christie did supernatural. I’m not sure she actually did but this show is very “ooh something supernatural is happening” more than anything else.
The biggest problem is that the producers seem to think that mood – slow motion shots and vaguely eerie, Wicker Man ish costumes – is a substitute for story and character. And it really, really isn’t.
Poker Face – Peacock
What?
Colombo meets The Littlest Hobo but with Natasha Lyonne
How Far?
3 episodes.
Why?
See “What.”
Portlandia – IFC
What?
A comedian and a musician pretend to be various Portland hipsters to the delight of everyone who doesn’t live there.
How Far?
Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe 5 seasons. Not really sure.
Why?
I meant to keep watching, I’m pretty sure. The gag was getting pretty old but I generally really enjoyed the show. (The brunch episode nails Toronto as much as it does Portland.)
But the show kept going and I guess I just got watching other things. And maybe it got removed from Netflix before I finished it.
But the key reason it’s on this list is that I never really felt compelled to finish it. I got it, I enjoyed it and I moved on.
Prison Break – Fox
What?
A man is imprisoned and sentenced to death for a crime he didn’t commit. His brother is going to break him out through a gimmick only possible in Hollywood. Hijincks ensue.
How far?
I think the whole first season, but it’s been nearly 20 years so I’m not sure. I know I had issues with the first episode but I’m pretty sure I persevered at the time because a) I was losing a battle with my completist streak and b) this show was soooooooo buzzed at the time.
Why?
This is perhaps patient zero for concepts that can’t actually be turned into TV shows but are because of the world’s insatiable need for more TV shows. I remember becoming vaguely aware of the premise for a future season and I just couldn’t even believe it.
Raines – NBC
What?
A cop speaks to dead people. Hi-jinks ensue.
How Far?
An episode? I don’t remember.
Why?
Cancelled.
This show definitely has potential. In many ways, it is just typical network TV cop show stuff, but it is very odd, and that helps, though it would benefit from some non-Christian right influenced broadcasting standards (i.e. the standards of American ‘cable’).
Anyway, as a big Jeff Goldblum fan, I have to say that the main reason this kind of works is him. Madeline Stowe also helps. But the thing suits Goldblum, if only it were slightly less conventional. (Though it already is quite ‘quirky’ there are still conventional moments all over the place, as I already hinted.)
Anyway, I suspect that, much like the two Fox comedies I discovered around this time last year, this show will disappear after a few weeks. It shouldn’t, as I could actually sit through it, and it was pretty funny.
Oh yeah, another thing: I think it was created by the son of the old TVO SNATM host. That’s gotta count for something. Anyway, there might actually be something to watch pre-midnight on Fridays (aside from sports) now. We’ll see. Excuse my poor English, I’m rushing.
Red Dwarf – BBC
What?
Only a few survivors on a mining ship are stranded in space. Hijinks ensue.
How Far?
The first eight series.
Why?
The short answer is I grew out of it.
The longer answer is that it was basically my favourite TV comedy for much of my teens but as I got older the writing appeared to get worse. I had every series on VHS but the last few in particular seemed weaker. Maybe I was just getting older.
When it was revived I just couldn’t bring myself to watch.
Regular Show – Cartoon Network
What?
A regular sitcom, however the two stars are animals and their antagonist is a gumball machine. The hijinks which ensue are almost always world-threatening, which is a good bit.
How Far?
1 season.
Why?
I have long been tired of sitcoms but the best animated shows of the 21st century and the late 20th century made me forget that. This one leans into sitcom conventions but is extremely creative in how it does that. Unfortunately, it still feels tired. And Rigby, one of the two leads, is among the most annoying sitcom characters I’ve encountered. Read my review of Regular Show‘s first season.
Reno 911! – Comedy Central
What?
A parody of COPS, sometimes just that, sometimes much more.
How Far?
One season.
Why?
This is an entertaining show, but it is rather hit and miss. It is a one note concept and, because of that and because of the fact that it is improvised, some episodes are hilarious and some are not funny at all. (Somewhat surprisingly the Pilot is perhaps the weakest of the entire season.)
I can’t really imagine watching the other seasons at this point, unless I knew something was going to change, as it really does seem to depend on whether they were able to luck into a good idea during the process. The ones where it is just a parody of COPS, with nothing else happening, usually fall flat.
It does make me laugh more than it doesn’t, though.
Rescue Me – FX
What?
Firefighters in post 9/11 New York City.
How Far?
Parts of the first few seasons. I am writing this nearly 20 years later and I have no idea.
Why?
So I’m not sure I ever watched the episodes in order. Maybe I did but I don’t believe I caught every one of the first or second season, or however far I made it. When it premiered, it felt part of the new wave of TV that we’d later label The Golden Age. At some point I just never mustered enough interest to ensure I watched the episodes in proper order, or to watch any I’d missed. Years later I found out it had been on for 7 seasons and I had no idea.
To me, this feels like so many of these other shows. Why did this show last 7 years? I suspect it said everything it had to say pretty early on, and then just repeated itself. And at some point I decided it was a little too soapy for my tastes, I guess. I don’t know, though, as I haven’t seen a complete episode of it in at least 15+ years.
Riget – Danmarks Radio (8/10)
What?
Lars von Trier’s psychological horror mini series about healthcare.
How Far?
I can’t remember whether I watched the first two seasons or just the first.
Why?
If I watched both the first two seasons, it’s because I was finished. If I didn’t watch the second I guess I didn’t realize it existed.
I have since really soured on von Trier, since I watched this in the aughts, so I have no intention of ever watching the final season or figuring out if I watched season 2.
[scrubs] – NBC/ABC
What?
Hijinks of a group of doctors at a teaching hospital.
How far?
The first few seasons, at least.
Why?
I very much enjoyed the first few seasons at the time and I think I watched the show fairly often, at least as far as my limited TV options could allow. But I definitely grew out of it or got bored. I had no idea the cast expanded by the ninth season, for example.
Shameless – Channel 4
What?
The hijinks of a working class family in Manchester.
How far?
One episode, I think.
Why?
I think I hated these people basically immediately and didn’t find them funny.
Sherlock – BBC One
What?
A modern retelling of Sherlock Holmes set in contemporary London.
How Far?
Almost all of it, I believe. I’m actually not sure. I may have finished it but I’m pretty sure I haven’t, which is why it’s on this list.
Why?
I didn’t mind it as a retelling but I guess I maybe got bored of it, or there was so much more TV I wanted to watch. I really don’t remember if there was a reason, I think I just forgot their was a forth Series.
The Shield – FX
What?
A group of corrupt LA cops try to balance enforcing the law while profiting off it.
How far?
Most of 5 seasons
Why?
When it first premiered, The Shield had a refreshingly realistic view of law enforcement only outmatched by The Wire.
But the inherent problem with the show appeared in the very premise – the cops have to get away with too much from the very beginning. Back in the early ’00s, it was easy to take this, though, because the acting was so good, the situation novel, the issues thought provoking. But that premise was just too much.
Incidentally, I watched this show in a really strange order: seeing bits of the first few seasons, then watching most of season five out of order then, years later, watching the first four seasons before I couldn’t take it any more. (I was dreaming of the show in my sleep.)
The Simpsons – Fox
What?
The Greatest Animated Comedy in TV History.
How Far?
That is a very good question. 12 seasons? 13? Perhaps a few more. I have no idea. Bits and pieces of episodes since then too.
Why?
Like most people, I found the humour changed as writers would come and go. And I felt like there was a definitely Family Guy zation process at some point, at which point I left.
Sons of Anarchy – FX
What?
The step-son of the head of the local biker gang begins to discover secrets about his mysterious father. Hijinks ensue.
How Far?
Two, if I remember correctly.
Why?
I had heard good things about Songs of Anarchy from various people before the ex and I finally got around to watching it sometime last year.
The ex liked the first season a lot more than me – I found it over the top, soap opera-y, but at least it was entertaining.
But the second season feels like a complete retread of the first, with more drama – this time internal – that is resolved in the most ridiculous Deus ex Machina kind of way. (I guess it’s technically not Deus ex Machina, since we the audience knew about it from many episodes earlier, but the problem is that we are supposed to believe this revelation resolves everything internal. It’s as if the whole Clay-Jax conflict never even happened – not to mention the Opie thing.) It’s just retarded. And the over the top drama had already made the show not very entertaining the but the reveal is just so, so much worse.
South Park – Comedy Central
What?
Four kids and their adventures in small town Colorado.
How far?
20+ seasons.
Why?
I have the first 20 or so seasons on DVD. But at some point I stopped feeling the need to acquire more of them at some point. Maybe I’ve grown out of it?
Spartacus – Starz
What?
An attempt at turning the Spartacus legend into a TV show instead of a just a movie.
How far?
Four episodes.
Why?
I have never encountered a “prestige” TV show that was so terrible before. Also, I don’t think I have ever been compelled to “hate watch” something before seeing this show.
If there is one word I could use to describe Spartacus, it’s “fake.” This is the fakest 21st century show I think I’ve ever seen.
Now, some of that is put on – it at times wants to be a comic book movie, like Sin City. But it’s not consistent in this design, and the rest of the time the fakeness of the show is just overwhelming. And that’s too bad, because there are some decent actors in this show.
I mean, it’s gotta be among the worst things to ever be renewed for multiple seasons since the Golden Age of Television began.
Sports Night – ABC (7?/10)
What?
Behind the scenes of the third best rated nightly sports highlight show.
How Far?
2 episodes into season 2.
Why?
Read my review of Sports Night.
Star Trek – NBC
What?
The original series.
How Far?
No idea. I have seen many if not most of the episodes but not 100% of them.
Why?
I watched most of these as a tween and teen and I always watched them randomly, whenever it was on. I don’t think I’ve watched any of it in order and so I never really had the desire to try to watch it in order.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
What?
A sort of spin-off of TNG.
How far?
No idea. At least the first few seasons and possibly more.
Why?
Like TNG (see below), I think I just grew out of it.
Star Trek: The Next Generation
What?
A sequel to the original, that premiered when the original movies were still being made.
How far?
I have no idea. I may have seen the whole show. I haven’t watched it in decades and I wouldn’t be able to accurately tell you what I’ve seen and not without re-watching the whole thing which I am not about to do.
Why?
I grew out of it, I guess. This was probably my favourite adult drama when I was a kid (and, I think, the only one my mom let me watch) but I know when I re-watched some episodes as a teen they didn’t hold the same appeal.
Star Trek: Voyager – UPN
What?
Another spin-off of TNG.
How far?
1 season, I think, but not 100% sure.
Why?
As with all Star Trek, I just grew out of it.
Swingtown
What?
Swingers in the ’70s, I guess.
How far?
No idea. I have no memory of this.
Why?
My guess is that I watched this for Molly Parker and when it failed to grab me I gave up really quickly.
Terra Nova – Fox (3/10)
What?
It’s AD 2149 and human pilgrims are sent to a “parallel time stream” on a different earth, during the cretaceous period. Hijinks ensue.
How Far?
I believe I made it through 9 or 10 of the 13 total episodes
Why?
I haven’t made it through the entire series and I doubt I ever will, because this thing is horrible. I can imagine the conversation that started it…
“You see, we put these future humans back in time, on an earth with dinosaurs. And then we introduce standard TV drama cliches into every episode – murder mysteries, parenting challenges, alpha-male head-butting – instead of building drama out of character development and the real challenges that people would face, were it ever possible to be in that situation. And of course the cliche plot devices will be resolved within 44 minutes. They must be! It’s brilliant! Give me the largest budget ever given to a TV show! Don’t worry, the CGI will still suck.”
That is apparently how Terra Nova happened. I can barely conceive of how someone decided that an idea such as this – with such a large budget – should be a vehicle for third-rate TV cop-drama plots and the like. It makes no sense.
Terriers – FX
What?
A former police officer and former thief are private investigators in a pretty California town.
How far?
6 episodes
Why?
Terriers is the illicit love child of The Shield and Veronica Mars. Take a non-homicidal Vick Mackey, given him Veronica Mars’ dad’s job and backstory (with a few twists) and make him funny and basically you have the lead on this show. I cannot figure out for the life of me why this was a critical hit, except that 2010 was a long time ago and standards were a lot lower.
The lead is impossible to like – which is the point! I get it, I get it – and the degree to which he is enabled by those around him made both of us not want to watch the show any more.
Top Boy – Channel 4/Netflix
What?
British drug dealers in an estate in London. The first two seasons were made in 2011-2013. The show was resumed on Netflix six years later with more episodes and way more characters.
How far?
Three seasons.
Why?
Maybe I’ll resume in the future but right now I’m struggling to justify finishing it. Read my review of Top Boy.
Top Gear – BBC Two/One
What?
A trio of philistines talk about cars and occasionally go absolutely insane driving trips.
How Far?
The travel specials – I haven’t seen them all but I do intend to watch all of them if I can. I have zero interest in the regular show.
Why?
The regular show I could take or leave but the travel episodes are part of the great lineage of British people driving in foreign countries shows. (Did they invent this genre?)
True Blood – HBO
What?
Vampires live among us and openly, at that.
How far?
1 season
Why?
Pretty goofy to begin with, apparently they keep adding more and more fantastical creatures and the whole thing becomes sillier and sillier.
The Tudors – BBC Two
What?
A soap opera about Henry VIII.
How far?
Much of the first season and parts of later seasons.
Why?
The style of the show is announced by the title sequence, which is essentially that of a soap opera. The show never, ever moves beyond this, no matter how much I wanted it to.
And worse, in later seasons, Rhys Meyers utterly fails to physically resemble the king.
Twin Peaks – ABC/Showtime
What?
Infamously, the quirkiest network TV of all time when it first aired.
How far?
The first two seasons, multiple times.
Why?
The second season is rough. It’s a little reminiscent of The Prisoner in terms of how clear it is there was no plan once the initial episodes concluded. The second season is messy enough that I’ve been really reluctant to watch the third season.
UnREAL – Lifetime
What?
A satire of The Bachelor.
How Far?
One season.
Why?
Initially, I really enjoyed this show: it is biting and pretty damn dark.
But there’s too much “story of the week” and “guest of the week” which makes the show feel way too much like a traditional TV show.
Worse, the film kind of jumps the shark a little bit when something that has never happened in the history of The Bachelor happens – you’ll know it when you see it – and then it feels like it’s all about stakes upping for the rest of the season. And that means characters start doing things that don’t make sense for them.
I just don’t think I can handle another 3 seasons.
Upright Citizen’s Brigade – Comedy Central
What?
The sketch show that launched Amy Poehler’s career.
How far?
One season, I think.
Why?
I have no idea. I rated this in 2011 and I have no memory of it whatsoever. I should probably look up some of their most famous sketches so I can see if they ring a bell.
Utopia – Channel 4
What?
A stylized conspiracy thriller about an evil secret organization trying to do bad things and the people who think they’ve uncovered the plot in a comic book.
How far?
1 season.
Why?
The last episode of the first season had some very silly twists in it that were just too much for me. Read my review of the first season of Utopia.
The Venture Bros. – Adult Swim
What?
The twin grandsons of a great scientist and adventure haphazardly fail to solve non-existent mysteries with their father (who wishes he was his father) and their manly bodyguard. Hijinks ensue.
How far?
Two episodes.
Why?
I suspect that, had I found this show in 2003, I would have loved it, it would have felt so fresh and fun. Alas, I waited 20 years and, in the interim, I’ve seen a lot better but I’ve also seen my tastes change.
Veronica Mars – UPN
What?
The teenage daughter of a private investigator does a little investigating of her own.
How Far?
2 seasons
Why?
This was never a show for me but I watched it because my girlfriend liked it and because it was easy to have on and not worry about it too much.
I understand the appeal of the show for a lot of people but it can get really silly at times.
The second season reveal is pretty bad and makes the first season look a lot stronger in comparison. Everyone says season 3 is the worst.
Vikings – History
What?
One particular viking Earldom, and one farmer in particular, are portrayed in the earliest days of the viking expansion.
How far?
1 season
Why?
Constantly did not live up to the huge potential of its setting.
I find the characterizations change for the sake of the plot and also found that plot rather paint by numbers for such a unique (for TV) premise.
No matter how amazing I find Winnick and her character, I just couldn’t care about anything else.
The Walking Dead – AMC
What?
Ach! Zombies!
How far?
1 season and a couple episodes
Why?
I didn’t dislike the first season all that much, it’s a little boring but it’s not terrible.
But the second season started off horribly and I just couldn’t handle it.
I have been told that the beginning of the second season is the worst of the show but I am hard-pressed to understand why I should bother with the rest.
People keep watching this show while they complain about it. Stop watching it!
Wallander – BBC One
What?
A less-troubled-than-usual, less-brilliant-than-usual detective solves murders in his sleepy Swedish province/county/whatever.
How far?
1 episode
Why?
My father, who reads the novels, says Branagh is horribly wrong for the part. I have no idea either way, but I found the first episode boring.
It’s a relief to see a show about a normal person who happens to be a cop, but I couldn’t figure out why he’s so damn angry, and I stopped caring after a while.
Weeds – Showtime
What?
A suburban mom sells pot to make ends meet.
How far?
2, maybe 3 seasons
Why?
This was a show that I just watched because there wasn’t much else on at the time (on Canadian cable). I was always mildly amused but that’s all.
Don’t remember how far I made it at this point. It’s been a while since I gave it a try.
Westworld – HBO
What?
A TV show based on the 1970s movie of the same name.
How Far?
2 seasons.
Why?
Read my review of the first two seasons of Westworld.
When They See Us – Netflix
What?
A 4-part miniseries that dramatizes the Central Park Five.
How Far?
One episode.
Why?
I’ve already seen the documentary. I know what happened. It was awful. This just seems like it’s trying to make us feel how awful it is. The cops are hysterically evil. There’s little attempt to make any but a few of them seem human. For me, that’s key to our understanding. Because people continue to do this all the time. And caricaturing them doesn’t help us understand why.
If you don’t know the story, I guess you should watch it but there’s a perfectly good documentary about it.
The Wonder Years – ABC
What?
Kevin Arnold grows up in the late ’60s and early ’70s in the USA.
How Far?
I have no idea. I might have seen every episode but I cannot for a second claim that’s true. I’ve never watched it all the way through.
Why?
I watched this as a kid, reruns as a teen, and some reruns in my early twenties. It holds a special place in my heart so I don’t have any interest in seeing what it was really like.