2011, Movies

BloodRayne: The Third Reich (2011, Uwe Boll)

This is a pretty awful film that seems intent on reviving the Naziploitation films of the ’70s that everyone fondly remembers. (Oh, you don’t fondly remember them? You think they’re offensive? That’s weird.) I can’t say whether or not this is a fond tribute to those films, as I’ve only ever seen one of them, but it’s a shitty, shitty movie.

This is one of those films where I struggle between awarding it a 1 or a 2 out of 10. I struggle because, though it is terrible, it’s not quite All Time terrible. The production values are better than some awful low budget films (though they are still terrible) and a couple of the actors are merely hamming it up. (Also, I feel like one cast member is taking the film entirely seriously and trying to get a better role). But the film doesn’t work on numerous levels:

  • Any movie that opens with a credits sequence as long as this one is doomed from the start.
  • The plot often makes no sense and some of the scenes in the film do not feel like they belong in the same movie with this plot.
  • Some of the actors are awful, the ones who are not are, as I said, hamming it up something fierce.
  • The plot might actually make some sense (within its own universe of vampires in Poland in WWII) but the dialogue is so confused that sometimes you don’t know who knows what or what’s happening. It seems like shots have been cut from this very short movie that would have maybe made some the dialogue a little more coherent.
  • The dialogue is straight out of 2011, by the way, featuring all sorts of idioms that did not exist in English in the ’40s and certainly did not exist in Polish or German in the ’40s.
  • The CGI is terrible.
  • The soft-core porn (a requirement of all Naziploitation films) is really, really bad in the sense that it is clearly token tribute to the titillation of 13 year old boys.

A piece of shit. Not even an entertaining one.


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