2000, Music

Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water (2000) by Limp Bizkit

Limp Bizkit are so monumentally dumb that, while I’m listening to a Limp Bizkit record, I have trouble imagining there are dumber bands. Now, I know there are plenty of dumb bands, but the scale of the Bizkit’s dumbness is so immense that, during the album, you just sort of forget that there could be stupider bands.

On this record the Bizkit try to get a little arty – they interpolate or sample a number of very famous songs. Are any of these remotely equal to the songs they are inspired by? Not in the slightest, they just remind you there is better music out there. (And listen, I don’t like the Eagles. But science would I rather listen to the Eagles than this shit.) They also name a few of their songs after far more famous songs – standards, you might say – either because they think they’re so great or to piss off old men like me. (I was 19 when this came out and thought they were stupid then too, so…) One thing that these choices reveal is how unbelievably uninterested these guys are. They don’t sample or interpolate deep cuts, they pick extremely well known music. Its like they only know the radio or something. Anyway…

As usual, everything is dumb: Durst’s lyrics are dumb and the riffs are boring and dull. The Bizkit think that, if they play loud enough, the fact that they can’t write good riffs will disappear. This is not true. (Remember when people thought Wes Borland was some kind of guitar hero? What the fuck was with that?)

And the number of famous people they’ve somehow conned to be here…I feel bad for all of them. How does Ben Stiller feel about his life choices he made in 2000 in 2021? Why is Scott Weiland here? Don’t these rappers have dignity? How do they feel in 2021 about this song? (There are two versions of it!) Well, they probably feel good about the money…

The only thing I can say that’s positive about this stupid records is that it indeed sounds fine, as a sonic product, in 2021. The music itself is obviously very dated – nu metal didn’t exactly transcend its era – but the sound of the record is good. If it weren’t for the dumb hip hop meets dumb metal that permanently affixes this thing to the late ’90s, I’d say the album dated well.
This band is just The Worst.

4/10

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